Guess Who Figured This Out?

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“This” being how to finally get a Korean IME installed on my computer without having to resort to using a Chrome extension. It only just now occurred to me to try the language settings in my computer. Why? Why? I should have thought of this ages ago!

Well, actually, I did. But I gave up way too soon, obviously.

I mean, look at this. 안영!! 대박이다!! It really is awesome. I am slowly working towards not hen pecking. It is becoming slightly more natural to remember that the all of the consonants are on the left side, while all the vowels are to the right. Also, by installing the proper IME, I do not have to switch between visual and HTML input on WordPress to enter in the Korean characters. Yay for another point to laziness.

And no, I have not been to bed yet. I was up all night waiting for a reply that never came from the IT Team about MyMathLab. Then at like 7 or so this morning, BigHit released that BTS will be doing a concert in May. And releasing another album. Then, Got7 also released their newest music video for, “Fly.” Which was fantastic. It had a couple odd scenes here and there, but I really loved the ones on the flight deck.

I did have the idea to go to Epcot possibly, but with this continued lack of sleep, and need to save every penny for either the concert DVD, or if they announce a world tour (which one do you think I want more?) – I chose to stay home instead. I do want to go out and get some more photography in that is not related to Disney. The continuous theme of the mouse everywhere, and in everything I show drives me a bit bonkers. I would like a bit of creative identity away from all that, you know?

I was reading all my old posts from this time last year. I am almost someone different now. It was almost as if I was reading something written by someone else. Not even me. But I know it was me, and I recognize myself in the writing. But… the despair, and pain… it hurts to remember that that was in fact me. Though I do not mention it lately, I am Bipolar. Apparently Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. That intense depression, while hallucinating on a near constant basis – it was a living nightmare. I have little blips here and there, but otherwise, I am too focused on my goals to allow what normally can drag me under the muck get a grasp on my ankles. Once again, that strangely intense will power of mine. Subconscious will power. Imagine what all I could accomplish if I had full control of those faculties.

It looks like I will be emailing my math professor about having to extend my quiz due date since I still cannot get onto the dang website.

Here is to hoping everyone is well, and having a good day.

 

 

You can blame my migraines?

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I have written two separate post drafts on separate topics. As my “regular” readers may know – can I really say regular, when I do not even post regularly? I generally only write when the mood strikes me. So, when I begin writing a draft and do not finish it in the one sitting I do not pick it back up.

All I do as of late comprises of school, BTS videos, homework, BTS music, studying Korean, BTS, and BTS. I do not have the current emotional or mental capacity for much else. If I leave my thoughts to their own doing, I will usually get either a migraine, and/or become extremely emotional. The primary emotions being rage and depression. I would like to avoid all of that in its entirety. Like, I have a migraine right now because of some frustrations with a friend I cannot openly express. I tried to. But she is stubborn and a bit too immature to heed my frankly wise words. This is one instance where I will not feel guilty for the I Told You So, dance. Truly.

I mentioned BTS earlier. BTS is a very… it is something I am quite grateful for as of late. I became a fan of this group out of Korea a little over a year and a half ago. Their work ethic, passion and talent is something that I strive for and admire very much. I listen to their music and read their interviews to keep me insane and remind me why I am going through so much to try to get to the life I want for myself. They were just kids when they started this journey almost three years ago. And I mean just kids. The youngest of the 7 boys was just 15 years old. They knew what they wanted to do at that age (technically younger since they trained for a number of years prior to their debut), and here I am having a hope that I know what I want for myself now at 24.

Thanks to my various conditions, I will wake up often and wonder if I want to even attempt the day. Or, be on campus and have convince myself if I want to stay. Either because of less than favorable social interactions, or I will be questioning my efforts. Usually, my mind will go to a tangent of could I say that I was working as hard as these kids. Would they do better than me in my shoes? I am quite the competitive person, hello OCPD, and when I cannot say yes – my ass gets up and goes to class. I do my homework. My laundry gets done. My animals are fed. All the little things and big things are accomplished. For that drive alone – I will be forever grateful.

I am extremely picky about what music I listen to. Hell, I am picky about everything. Everything must meet a certain level of criteria for me to be favorable of it. I think in images. It is apparently a rare quality, and I was only made aware of it within the last year. When I discovered K-pop, and subsequently the commonality of choreography with their music – I was quite pleased. It all began with Shinee’s, “Lucifer,” and went from there. Whenever I hear the music instead of having to visualize my own choreography – I just see theirs. Then, I started to learn the difference between the manufactured music, and the stuff that is composed with the artist involved. Either in part, or whole. Music from SM Entertainment literally comes out of Europe. The majority of it at least. YG Entertainment allows the artist a little more wiggle room creatively. With the label BTS is a part of, they are allowed a heck of a lot more room. Quite often, you will see the members names in the credits of the songs. They work on the producing, the lyrics, and even the album concepts over all. Collectively, they try to send messages with their music. They certainly are not the only group that does this. They just happen to be one of my favorites because they also do this in tandem with everything else.

 

Do I have any songs to recommend?

Hm…

I have different favorites for different needs. If I want to see a very upbeat choreo – I would have to go with DopeWar of HormoneDangerBoy in Luv, and I Need U.

Other upbeat songs are Second GradeBoys with FunMa City, and Hip Hop Phile.

Now, for songs that you can be sure will make me want to cry every time are: Hold Me TightTomorrow, and Nevermind. These are all BTS tracks. I just spent a solid twenty minutes formatting and tracking down all of these, so I will save BigBang and Block B for another time.

Funnily enough, I noticed my three top favorite groups all start with the letter B. BigBang, Block B, and BTS. They all also have that triple quality I require. Artistic involvement, strong choreography, and amazing work ethics. Little random tidbit for you.

So yes, some random rambling for you at five in the morning when I cannot sleep, or even relax because of yet another migraine. I cannot sleep normally anyways, so that is not surprising. I just happen to have another migraine right now.

I hope everyone is well and those that are having to get up because it is Monday morning after all: I am sorry and good luck out there today.

Am I Allergic To The Seroquel?

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I met the psychologist today.

And she is closing her practice in July.

It went well. Of course, it always goes back to the parents with them. She really focused on my mother.

She really, uh, has an interesting speaking rhythm. She will say a word or two, use a hand motion to communicate what she just said and then repeat herself and then finish her thought.

It kind of works against my mind as I think rapidly and usually am about four or five thoughts minimum ahead.

Over all the appointment went well and depending on what my provider allows, I may see her twice a week until her practice is closed.

The problems didn’t start until after I left her office. (I need a cool name for this doctor, like the Dok-Tore for my psychiatrist)

I called the Leave Administration team. It took a minute and a half for ‘Mary’ to tell I was denied, had no dream of qualifying for FMLA and hung up.

I have only worked 300~ hours in the last year.

Let’s revisit why that was.

From December 2012 – July 2013 I was waiting on Disney to get their act together and transfer me.

From September to now has been the “slow season” and I have only worked maybe 45 hours and that was when I also actively picking up hours that were not mine.

Dad is almost demanding I take this to HR.

I did my best to calm down after ‘Mary’ hung up on me and drove to the Dok-Tore’s office. I had a solid three hours between then and my appointment so sorry to anyone who was on the Osceola Parkway behind me. Cruise control and I were getting along.

I got to the Dok-Tore’s office with a solid two and a half hours to go. I tried sitting out in the car. Eating sunflower seeds and writing my journal which only had only twenty four pages til it was full and during those two and half hours (two of those sitting outside his office in the hallway) I filled each and every page.

Surprise, surprise during my five minute med check with the Dok-Tore, he decided to up the Seroquel, again. To 400 mg. Finally he had listened to me when I said I was not liking the Trazodone.

It only took two weeks.

When I met with the psychologist, she said I had Bipolar Severe.

No where in the internets could I find ‘Bipolar Severe’.

Is that I or II?

The way she made it sound sound like it was Bipolar I due to my frequent hallucinations. Or seeing in layers as I had always called it.

Seeing the reality of what was there and then what my nightmares showed me that came into daylight.

But the Dok-Tore said it was Bipolar II as Bipolar I is too rare.

Just like he believes my JRA (Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis) is. “That’s odd.”

Also, he had this girl sitting the office during my sit down with him. Once again, this person never introduced themselves.

So that is now two people whom have had some sort of interaction and never introduced themselves. I have one with attitude and a lurker.

Is this like the way things work with psychiatrists? You don’t know the name of these people but they know all your details?

Next time I am demanding to know who they are. I don’t think it is right.

On the issue about the FMLA, Lauren told me to ask “if them if I could go on medical leave” and then tell them if it was yes or no.

Hold on.

You want me to ask my boss if I could go on medical leave?

I am pretty sure that is not how this works. This isn’t like going on vacation.

So after my five minute med check with the psychiatrist, I went down stairs, picked up the new prescription for 400 mg Quetiapine (generic for Seroquel) and started the drive home.

I, of course as usual, called my parents in turn to update them.

The news that the Dok-Tore once again chose to just up the dosage as his cure all sent my mother for a loop.

Immediately, “I am calling Karen!”

I chose to call my sister Nancy, the nurse to get her take on this.

It even worried her a little. She wants me to stick to 300 mg and take a benadryl about am hour later. And if that takes if the joint/calf itching that always happens, it means I could very well be allergic to it.

What?

Really?

Of course I would be allergic to the magic cure all pill that is supposed to fix the crazy.

My next appointments are next Wednesday at 9 AM with the Dok-Tore and noon with the psychologist.

When I got home, I told Dad everything and many times he wanted me to go to HR about things I have experienced because of Disney. The seven month leave. The no call no show bull. But I am never very strong about confrontation.

But he is going to find the number for HR tomorrow and wants me to make an appointment when he can go with me.

And that leads us to here. I bought a weekly planner on the drove home at a Barnes and Noble and it helped me feel at least a little better. I always prefer penning down appointments and notes rather than on my phone. I keep forgetting to make my calendar events private and ooh, that bugs me.

It is a pretty lively light blue and starts in March which is perfect for me.

I kinda hope the benadryl helps with the itchy joint feeling after I take my Seroquel in a moment here, but I really don’t want to be allergic to it. Imagine all kinds of problems that is going to cause.

Plus hearing how “odd” it is.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.