Earlier last week, I went to the ER for the first time since 2012 because of sharp chest pains, and collapsing in the shower. As usual, they could not find out what was wrong, so I was just sent home with instructions for an anti inflammatory which I still have not filled yet…
It has been about four days since then, and it has eased almost entirely now. Mostly, just some burst blood vessels and aches if I become to zealous.
In other news: I just registered for my summer courses! I will be in class four days a week. As well as three of the courses are expedited, so they are squished into half the time. Seven weeks for a whole course. Hopefully I can handle it.
I have had a few rebellious, impulsive thoughts as of late. I have been playing with the idea of getting an ear piercing. A Helix piercing, I think it is called? I want to be able to have those gorgeous ear cuffs I am so envious of. Also, a new phone. For days I have been battling against the desire to buy a new Galaxy S 6 Edge. I have the money! But should I? Every day it itches at me. Whether or not I should give in. I have enough, but literally – just enough and then I will be without money. I don’t know. Haha. It is an internal struggle of epic proportions. Then, there are hints that BTS may be having another concert tour this summer, and in the US! Do I hold off on money for that? I have never been to a concert before, and it would be fitting that theirs would be the first one I go to.
What to do? What to do?
I want to get out, and take my camera with me. It is spring break right now, but I have no plans as of yet. It would be great to get out, and actually do things. Socialize. Be out of the house.
However, my sleeping schedule is almost entirely out of whack now. Before, I could at least assume I would generally fall asleep after a few days for about five hours or so. Now, I just sort of fall asleep whenever. Sometimes less than twelve hours, sometimes not for days. Immediately following the day at the hospital I slept for almost twenty four hours. Last night, I fell asleep around eight pm and woke up at about one in the morning, or so. I have not knocked my head recently, so that is not it.
I do not know. Things are all kind of strange, and jumbled up as of late.
I waffle between happiness, sadness, anger and confusion constantly. If I even think of Mike for a second – I will be fuming for hours. That is guaranteed. I only hope I am doing the right thing by putting all this time, and money into my education for the LCSW. I am told as long as I continue to take 12 credits every semester, I will be at UCF by next Fall. Think I can manage that?
There is an issue with my OCPD, and school. Back when I was in K-12, I did not understand or care for grades. “What’s the point?” Came across my mind often. In college, however, anything less than a A+, and we have a problem. Do not get to class at minimum fifteen minutes early? Problem. Parking space halfway up, and in two specific lanes not available? Problem.
I have developed all this at first seemingly minor “preferences,” that have become quite full blown. I do not know if this is something I need to speak about with my therapist, and the disabilities office or not. By the way – if you have been holding back on going to school because of your mental/mood disorders – reach out. I would not be able to be in class if it was not for my sources at the school.
Anyways, I think that is it for me this morning.
As always, I hope everyone is well, and see you next time I get the urge to ramble on the internet.