Guess Who Figured This Out?

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“This” being how to finally get a Korean IME installed on my computer without having to resort to using a Chrome extension. It only just now occurred to me to try the language settings in my computer. Why? Why? I should have thought of this ages ago!

Well, actually, I did. But I gave up way too soon, obviously.

I mean, look at this. 안영!! 대박이다!! It really is awesome. I am slowly working towards not hen pecking. It is becoming slightly more natural to remember that the all of the consonants are on the left side, while all the vowels are to the right. Also, by installing the proper IME, I do not have to switch between visual and HTML input on WordPress to enter in the Korean characters. Yay for another point to laziness.

And no, I have not been to bed yet. I was up all night waiting for a reply that never came from the IT Team about MyMathLab. Then at like 7 or so this morning, BigHit released that BTS will be doing a concert in May. And releasing another album. Then, Got7 also released their newest music video for, “Fly.” Which was fantastic. It had a couple odd scenes here and there, but I really loved the ones on the flight deck.

I did have the idea to go to Epcot possibly, but with this continued lack of sleep, and need to save every penny for either the concert DVD, or if they announce a world tour (which one do you think I want more?) – I chose to stay home instead. I do want to go out and get some more photography in that is not related to Disney. The continuous theme of the mouse everywhere, and in everything I show drives me a bit bonkers. I would like a bit of creative identity away from all that, you know?

I was reading all my old posts from this time last year. I am almost someone different now. It was almost as if I was reading something written by someone else. Not even me. But I know it was me, and I recognize myself in the writing. But… the despair, and pain… it hurts to remember that that was in fact me. Though I do not mention it lately, I am Bipolar. Apparently Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. That intense depression, while hallucinating on a near constant basis – it was a living nightmare. I have little blips here and there, but otherwise, I am too focused on my goals to allow what normally can drag me under the muck get a grasp on my ankles. Once again, that strangely intense will power of mine. Subconscious will power. Imagine what all I could accomplish if I had full control of those faculties.

It looks like I will be emailing my math professor about having to extend my quiz due date since I still cannot get onto the dang website.

Here is to hoping everyone is well, and having a good day.

 

 

Screw It

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Keyboard

 

For a few weeks, I was playing ideas on how I could label 한글 characters on my keyboard. There were ideas of finding a nice thin laminate adhesive, and sandwiching the characters between two sheets that were cut into size. However, that was rejected when I realized that not a single label was transparent enough, especially when layered. Nor, could I find a fine enough point metallic pen that would write on the slick plastic.

So, I gave in, and marked my baby. I hate permanently marking anything. Stickers, especially but that is slightly off topic. The worry that if I want to change my mind, and remove them… only to have that annoying as hell adhesive left behind would drive me bonkers.

My hands were shaking so hard since I there is the beauty of being left handed, and the risk of smearing the permanent ink is high. As you can tell on a few, that did indeed happen. Even this pen was not find enough to my liking. I believe these were 0.7 tips. A 0.5, or 0.3 would have been so much preferable, however they did not have any of those at the JoAnns I went to.

Honestly, at this point, I am just killing time while waiting for the reply from the tech team in charge of MyMathLab so I can do my homework and quizzes for this week. That are due tomorrow. I kinda need this fixed ASAP.

However, in the meantime, I am at the mercy of time.

So, I will just go on Tumblr. Perhaps think on what I want to do tomorrow. Tomorrow is supposed to be somewhat balmy, and my Disney annual pass expires soon. The Flower and Garden festival is going on, and I have been playing with the idea of going out for a visit. Of course, this is all dependent on whether or not I finish all of my homework tonight.

Next random thought: writing prompts. I miss writing. There is a subreddit dedicated entirely to writing prompts. I did receive praise from my composition professors on my writing skills. I will say that seriously boosted my day for a while there. She is a published, award winning author, and she said I had talent. It makes me want to write again. Should I? Can I? I should at least try.

My mom spoke with the sister I cut out on my brother’s birthday a couple days ago. She said she apologized for everything. I told my mother that if my sister stuck to being trying to better, then I would consider talking to her. However, as it stands right now, you can never expect a person to change who they have been the past almost forty years in one apology. They apparently also talked about Mike, and I. My mother said it seemed breaking up with Mike after what he did caused me to, “wake up.”

I wear “cute clothes” now, I got a manicure a week ago, and I am going to school with A’s everyday. What do you guys think? Have I, “woken up”? Was I asleep before? Was it really that kind of relationship before?

The only difference in my clothes I think is the two crop tops I wear now. I mean, I have had them over a year – I just never wore them because I did not have the confidence. I still do not, but I wear them anyways.

Now I want to go on a run. Dang it.

Out of the Norm

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Today I am doing something slightly out of the norm for me. Well, besides sitting around waiting. That is pretty on schedule in my case.

Did I mention I am the oldest in my composition class? Well, one of the younger students in my class asked for my help with her annotated bibliography for her research paper, as well as another paper. These assignments were due yesterday, but if I can help her, why not?

So, I have been sitting in Starbucks for just short of an hour listening the the hustle and bustle that manages to make its way past my SoundSport headphones. It is pretty crowded for me, and I had lucked out in being able to get a table with enough space, and access to an outlet. Pretty good, right?

Those the chairs suck. My back is killing me and my butt is numb. I have no idea how long we are going to be here, but hopefully it is not for too long. I want to go home, read, and unwind. I only managed to get a pathetic couple of hours of sleep last night.

Unless I am tucked away in my car, or at home – I am not the best at killing time. There is always the paranoia of people looking over my shoulder, and looking at what I am doing. So, that cuts out Tumblr, YouTube, and my books on my computer. I ended up playing some Firefly on Netflix while I finished my Chipotle from next door.

Do you know how hard it is to memorize a new keyboard? Without any visual aids beyond the Google Korean keyboard input on my phone? It is so annoying trying to type on my laptop, and reference that at the same time. So, there has been a bit of brainstorming trying to figure out how I could label the keys on my laptop without permanently doing so. I came up with the idea of getting some kind of transparent film and writing on character on one, then sandwiching the written character (in metallic inc for visibility) under another clear layer and sticking that to the keys individually. However… it has to be ultra fine, and transparent. I have yet to find an ultra fine tip metallic permanent marker/pen, or the proper film. When I was at Office Depot tryin to find said pens earlier, I gave in, and bought some “removable” scotch tape. However… it i s definitely not transparent. I learned this after removing the paper back, and pulling the tape forward. So… That was a fail. I will just have to try JoAnns. I am supposed to be going to Sanford tomorrow with my mom to visit my brother’s park to remember his birthday.

 

He would have been 41 this year. And 9 years gone from this world in May.

 

We miss you.

Study Nooks

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I sit in my school’s library, killing time, and charging my laptop in the meantime. While physically, I am not so hot with collapsing still occurring every once in a while, and my arthritis acting up – it feels like a good day.

Odd how that does not really add up does it?

I guess since it is just a quiet day, and I actually even managed to make it to class, and turn in my two papers, study for my test – I am just proud of the fact I am in school today. I did have essentially call out of my psychology lecture last night thanks to the collapsing, and I was strongly debating whether or not I needed to miss school today, as well. However, the fact that I did indeed have a rough draft of a paper due, an annotated bibliography for another, a rescheduled test for my business applications class, and a lecture class for my algebra… I kinda needed to be here. I fought tooth and nail for some kind of sleep last night. I was up until after three o’clock this morning trying to slip away. I tried everything in my arsenal. Old tricks, and new: Sudoku, music, abstract music such as rain storms, counting (forwards and backwards), reading, and in the end I just took a .25 mg of Xanax and counted upwards of 3,283 before I fell asleep.

It is getting to the point where I really need to file my nonexistent taxes since I did not have an income this past year, and I have no freaking idea how. I need my return, so I can file for the FAFSA. But once again, how the hell do you file nonexistent taxes?

As per my usual, when I am not on campus, you will find me at home. I will be either reading, listening to music, and that is pretty much it. I do not talk to anyone outside of a classmate, and maybe two friends on the rare occasion. But, I have been pondering why I am so content in these confines. While I am still not a big fan of being out and about by myself, I am totally fine just relaxing at home, or in the library as long as I have my music playing. Well, I am fine relaxing in the library as long as I have the aforementioned music, and I tucked away space away from everyone else. The long tables of computers are not my tea. But I did realize there are these lovely little love seats I can stretch out on, and plug in my laptop to charge as well. Which is bloody fantastic. As long as I do not do anything that requires too much mouse work – it is perfect. There is not enough patience in my soul for slowly, and awkwardly maneuvering via the touch pad. So, the touch screen feature of my ASUS serves me so well in this aspect. I even find myself constantly trying to use other desktops on campus as if they were touch screens as well. Especially when I am tutoring one of my classmates in algebra. Our emporium we log our math hours, and take our tests in have some fancy touch screen HP monitors that really help out in that aspect. The catch is, that this particular classmate cannot really grasp much of anything if I teach it to her in the lab. It only seems to work if I sit with her in the library, and go over it with her there. It is something I will need to look into, as she is still currently failing. Something about the lab seems to short circuit her.

Well, I feel like I am cutting this short – however I do need to head off, and go scrounge some food before my test in an hour. I have just enough to run to Chipotle in town, and get a chicken bowl to go. I may have a craving. Haha.

Randomly! I am doing my end of term research paper on OCPD – and it was brought to my attention that OCPD will also effect the entire dynamics of all the relationships in one’s life that is afflicted. There is the compulsion to be the dominant personality in every relationship, and yes that is entirely true in my case. From family, to friends, to significant others. I must always be on the upper hand, and usually am. I do not fare well with anyone thinking they can boss me around, or be in charge. Something to think on, huh?

Until next time. Be safe, and be well, everyone. 🙂

Almost Too Much!

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Earlier last week, I went to the ER for the first time since 2012 because of sharp chest pains, and collapsing in the shower. As usual, they could not find out what was wrong, so I was just sent home with instructions for an anti inflammatory which I still have not filled yet…

It has been about four days since then, and it has eased almost entirely now. Mostly, just some burst blood vessels and aches if I become to zealous.

In other news: I just registered for my summer courses! I will be in class four days a week. As well as three of the courses are expedited, so they are squished into half the time. Seven weeks for a whole course. Hopefully I can handle it.

I have had a few rebellious, impulsive thoughts as of late. I have been playing with the idea of getting an ear piercing. A Helix piercing, I think it is called? I want to be able to have those gorgeous ear cuffs I am so envious of. Also, a new phone. For days I have been battling against the desire to buy a new Galaxy S 6 Edge. I have the money! But should I? Every day it itches at me. Whether or not I should give in. I have enough, but literally – just enough and then I will be without money. I don’t know. Haha. It is an internal struggle of epic proportions. Then, there are hints that BTS may be having another concert tour this summer, and in the US! Do I hold off on money for that? I have never been to a concert before, and it would be fitting that theirs would be the first one I go to.

What to do? What to do?

I want to get out, and take my camera with me. It is spring break right now, but I have no plans as of yet. It would be great to get out, and actually do things. Socialize. Be out of the house.

However, my sleeping schedule is almost entirely out of whack now. Before, I could at least assume I would generally fall asleep after a few days for about five hours or so. Now, I just sort of fall asleep whenever. Sometimes less than twelve hours, sometimes not for days. Immediately following the day at the hospital I slept for almost twenty four hours. Last night, I fell asleep around eight pm and woke up at about one in the morning, or so. I have not knocked my head recently, so that is not it.

 

I do not know. Things are all kind of strange, and jumbled up as of late.

I waffle between happiness, sadness, anger and confusion constantly. If I even think of Mike for a second – I will be fuming for hours. That is guaranteed. I only hope I am doing the right thing by putting all this time, and money into my education for the LCSW. I am told as long as I continue to take 12 credits every semester, I will be at UCF by next Fall. Think I can manage that?

There is an issue with my OCPD, and school. Back when I was in K-12, I did not understand or care for grades. “What’s the point?” Came across my mind often. In college, however, anything less than a A+, and we have a problem. Do not get to class at minimum fifteen minutes early? Problem. Parking space halfway up, and in two specific lanes not available? Problem.

 

I have developed all this at first seemingly minor “preferences,” that have become quite full blown. I do not know if this is something I need to speak about with my therapist, and the disabilities office or not. By the way – if you have been holding back on going to school because of your mental/mood disorders – reach out. I would not be able to be in class if it was not for my sources at the school.

Anyways, I think that is it for me this morning.

As always, I hope everyone is well, and see you next time I get the urge to ramble on the internet.