Prepare for lots of rambling.
One of my classes this semester is Intro to Psychology. And it is essentially my guilty pleasure class even though I know it will also be my hardest class. My instructor/professor is pretty amazing. I also spent over five hours on the homework for that class alone today.
The power the mind has fascinates me. Especially my own. My ability to shut emotions on and off. To compress and forget. To take in and adapt on the other end of the spectrum. To simply survive.
I have had four concussion in my life. Three of them were serious concussions. One was the back of my skull when I fell off a high bunk bed onto the concrete floor below when I was five. Another, I was fourteen and was knocked full force into the corner of the cement wall with my right temple. And the last one I had, I was sixteen, and one of my dogs had tripped me and sent my right temple into once again, the corner of a wall. They say the elbow is the strongest part of your body. Krav Maga and all that. I was essentially Krav Maga’ed by a wall, twice. Ever since my first concussion the obvious effects were my now ferocious insomnia and traumatized circadian rhythm. My chronic migraines. As well as my severe inertia episodes.
If you have read previous entries that are possibly quite old, I went into deep discussion about my past. And why I am the way I am today. The difficulty to trust or express emotion. And with Mike, I broke past that. I said to hell with it. I trusted him. Too much, I know now, but I did. With everything I had – I trusted him. And I expressed my emotions. I did not hold back.
I chose the wrong person to put that kind of faith in. But the damage from doing so is unmistakable. However, I went to school every day. I did not hide away and lock myself in my room. Drown myself in ice cream and romantic comedies. I… went out and continued living. Because the fact is, Mike is not and was not my end all-be all. He was simply a chapter in my life and I had already started a better one by securing my future and furthering my education.
The Xanax is starting to kick in and hopefully I can get to bed shortly. I have to be up at 0700 to start getting ready for school.
Oh. I drink coffee now.
Grande French Vanilla latte with whip cream and caramel drizzle. Hot or Iced.