Since my last check in I have had my face blow up like a balloon from a spider bite. I also gave up my car to my father so he would transportation to work and essentially fired my therapist and psychiatrist. Since that termination of service I have not taken a single mood stabilizer, anxiety medication, Xanax, Lunesta or any sleep aid nor any anti psychotics.
There was definitely a dark period of sleeping for ~19 hours straight. Constantly crying. I stopped talking to everyone except Mike. For about a week and a half I didn’t eat anything besides a slice of bread or the occasional small bowl of soup.
I met up with my friend CF for dim sum and could barely eat more than two shrimp balls and a flaky pork pastry because of the stomach pain.
Whenever I am stressed out or depressed and I happened to be both at the time, I stop eating. Usually I don’t even realize until the stomach pain hits.
Since my sleep cycle was mimicking that of a nocturnal creature; even if I had a car or money I would not be able to go grocery shopping.
After the day of stomach cramps, I have slowly been eating more. Usually I will find something I can make myself and eat and will make a new one every day. Unless I put a sign on it, by the time I went downstairs after Dad left for work he would take whatever I had made shortly after waking up for his lunch.
I was never mad since I was the who didn’t label the food. Just upset I wouldn’t have food for the day.
Since Dad has been using my car it came to light I wouldn’t be able to seek therapy, or even start school or a job if I were able.
Mike comes down in 23 days. I’ve been worried lately thanks to the car situation but apparently we will be buying a car before he gets here with the captain’s daughter. Not even two weeks ago I wasn’t eating because there was no money to buy groceries that I could eat. Now we are buying Dad a car?
There has been a lot going on in the family. Things going on in Jersey that have been upsetting Mike and I. And other issues and I feel stretched out and thin. My very nature is to call out nonsense and be direct and right now that is the worst thing I can do in one scenario and won’t help anything in another scenario but make it worse thanks to their attitude.
In other news, I have slowly started working on a quilt for Mike. Very, very slowly. It will have the Hyrule crest on it and is about the size of a queen sized blanket. I do not have a rotary cutter and with arthritic wrists that have torn tendons so I can only work for about five minutes at a time before I have to put it down and stretch. I was hoping to at least have the toile/muslin version of the quilt top pieces together before Mike gets here but it isn’t looking like that is going to happen. My mom did buy an iron which does help to iron out the thousand never ending wrinkles and creases in the forty year old calico and cottons I am using.
This Christmas one of the four presents I got was a coloring book “patterns” filled with mehndi and paisley designs and I would finish coloring one every day. Start one at the end and finish it the next day after waking up and repeat.
The last one was my favorite along with the top which was my first however what I thought was an empty sprite can tipped over and spilled ruining it. Sigh.
My days consist of Sprite, coloring, watching Dexter on DVD and talking to Mike when he is free.
Drafted and posted using my Samsung Galaxy SIII. Please do forgive any typographical errors.