What to do? What to say?


Well, I have a lot of WiFi at my disposal now and a friend’s laptop to borrow since I am lucky enough to be house sitting for them for a while. Yes, the previously mentioned friends from the last rant. But like I said then, they are good friends, just… with moments, y’know?

Anyways. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and it seems we are now going to try either Lithium or Depakote. He tried making it sound like it was no big deal just the next step but everyone always forgets I do my research! I already know plenty about Lithium and Depakote. Depakote I had heard of from another blog and my sister (the nurse) has mentioned it in the past.

I really don’t want to go on either of these. He wanted me to get some blood work done, which I have only ever done once before and that was when I went to the emergency room because of the baby. Terrifies me. Just terrifies me.

To make a long story short. I am very wary of this idea. I will be giving it a hell of a lot of thought before I decide any which way.

But my sister called me and gave me a pep talk. Which is always really nice. She is really, really good at them!

I am getting closer and closer to making the decision to leave Disney. I think if I do actually leave Disney it will be to go to school full time. It is an idea I like a lot. Maybe once I become a little more stable I can get a part time job close for spending cash.

Lately, I have become obsessed with Avatar: Last Airbender and have fallen in love with the show. I only finished the series last night and have already started its sequel The Legend of Korra.

I am actually typing this post up on the laptop while I have my phone propped up on the screen playing the cartoon. >.<

Does that make me some supreme order of dork?

Along with using this laptop to write up this post I was also starting to edit some photos I have been meaning to edit for a while.

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Excuse the super editing, but hey, it is how you learn, right?


Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge

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I keep debating whether not I should get my own laptop fixed. Maybe I can work with my mom to help me out with that. I am sure that some way we can work something out. They always come through for me when I need them. As much as she drives me crazy.

I dunno. I know about myself that I go through these buoy like phases where sometimes I am all wound up and bobbing along the positive waves but then sometimes my line gets tangled up and I am pulled down to darker depths with the sharks. Hopefully one day I can simply cut the line free and bob where the current takes me.

More to Come Later


They want to start me on Lithium or Depakote.

Time for the serious stuff I guess.

I am already going to decline the Depakote. I’m hearing way too much bad shit.

Posted from WordPress for Android. As much as I try to proof read, typos and grammatical errors will more than likely occur and I hope you can graciously forgive them and me.

I Am Really Not Good At Keeping My Mouth Shut


Herr are the bullet points of what has happened since last time I spoke to y’all.

+ called in every shift.
+ still not on medical leave
+ was nearly hit by a car
+ dyed my hair red again!
+ discovered I hate the song “All About That Bass”. Or at least the way my friend interprets it.

We go from bottom to top.

So recently I have been spending more time with some friends of mine. Same friends for all but the top two on the list.
A married couple I may have spoke. Of before. Without getting into too much detail they are both tall and slightly overweight. The wife’s hips are 53″ in circumference. So, she is… Big to say the least.

Which fine. She is still beautiful and I only know her exact measurements from when she has asked me to make some clothes for her.

However… Recently she has gotten obsessed with a song on the radio called “All About That Bass”. It sings of how she isn’t a size two, bringing booty back, and how a man likes more to hold at night.

I feel this article explains my point of view best. Women who aren’t really fat have to feel better and anyone who isn’t them is actually less worthy or beautiful than they are. We all are beautiful. Doesn’t matter your damn size.

Straight up? I’m skinny. I look good for me in my body for my size.

This song to me is what ” Pumped Up Kicks” is to many others. It sounds happy and upbeat but is actually about school shootings.

Ever since she and her husband have listened to this “positive, happy” song they have been insulting me left and right.

I’m not a real woman.

I don’t have breasts.

My ass is small and thus I don’t have one.

I was anorexic. At my lowest I weighed 87 lbs. I am very, very aware of my body, how I view it and how others see it. I don’t need you telling me this simply because I personally believe you are jealous I have can shop at Victoria’s Secret. I am a size four. I have legs, a nice ass and nicely sized breasts. Thank you very much.

I don’t take kindly to being insulted especially by people I believe to be my friends and it is rare I consider people such.

I wish this was a one time thing but over the last week and a half it has been commented on multiple times!

Now, I am very good at standing up for others as I always say but I am horrible for standing up for myself. I really hope I won’t have to but the next time I see them if it happens again I will have to say something.

Maybe I should just leave it there.

I dyed my hair yesterday. These same friends reccomended a friend of theirs who was also a hair stylist and charged her own prices. Her name is Brenda and she offered to do an all over dye job for $65 dollars. When compared to the price of $85 for a dye job and $29 dollars for a cut it was an amazing deal.

Brenda ended up cutting, styling, dying and blow drying my hair for the original agreed price.

And I loved the way it came out! She seemed to actually care about how I felt and how my hair came out. I went with my usual “I will trust you,” and I was right to. She would have fixed my bangs but they ate still pretty short from the hack job that last hair stylist gave me. Whom apparently also destroyed my layers.

Also, the day before on Sunday I was almost hit by a car in a parking lot when it was raining right after getting a fresh manicure and pedicure. Yeah. They got ruined. The car didn’t even stop. Just kept going.

So I now have a jammed toe, and a torn up leg. I walked around with six band aids of the largest variety for the last three days when I am not letting the wounds breathe. I haf to buy flip flops at Target since all I had were my knock off Converses and wounds all over the top of my foot.

But in fourteen days my best friend gets here! And in twenty days Mike gets back.

I can’t wait for Sassy to get here.

For the next week starting Thursday I’ll be house sitting for my previously mentioned friends at their house while they are away. So I will be away from my house for a week. It will be nice.

I see my psychiatrist on Thursday and will be addressing many issues before I go to my friend’s house.

Well. Time to go put fresh band aids on. Excuse me while I go limp away.

Posted from WordPress for Android. As much as I try to proof read, typos and grammatical errors will more than likely occur and I hope you can graciously forgive them and me.