My mind is my greatest weapon. It is very effective and powerful. However, I am also its most frequent victim.
Within the last three days, I have begun spiraling down further and further into an angry depression. Against better judgement, I have resorted to taking the Trazodone and Klonopin. My emotions are all over the place, my agitation and stress are at an all time high.
My phone has spent most of the last two days on Airplane mode. I do not have the energy or patience for respect to participate or even witness conversation. Facebook has become an enemy. Constant are the thoughts go ahead and outright delete it rather than just deactivate it this time.
In an attempt to reach out for help, for friendship, I posted a status saying “I really, really need a day out and distraction. My mind is on a warpath.”
Nothing. Five hours later, nothing.
It just made me worse.
These feelings of in/voluntary isolation and almost neglect are ever surmounting. Leads to feelings of failure, worthlessness and why am I even here? Why am I seeing all these doctors, taking all these pills if I still feel as bad if not worse?
What am I doing?
I am so lost.