My Psychologist Gave Me A Homework Assignment

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And I don’t think I can do this one.

“Lara, before I see you next week, I want you to involve yourself in some kind of group setting. Photography class, yoga, or Tai Chi. I don’t really care as long as it is something that gets you out of your house and with people.”

Well. All these things cost money. And frankly I am kinda terrified. I don’t do well in groups or social setting. I am not a social person.
What am I supposed to do?

On the money front, I am down to one bra that is two years old and cannot afford to get a new one. You can’t find 32C (or what I should be wearing a 30D) anywhere unless it is Victoria Secret and we all know how expensive they are.

So how am I to afford yoga classes? How can I justify paying for a membership any where for anything if I cannot even find room in my budget for something that is a necessity like a bra? I am paying to see all these doctors, all these medications plus the extreme price tag of gas and tolls to travel to these doctors.

I am at a crossroads and unsure of where to step next.

Work has been pretty iffy. Some days I am great, then other days where I crash and burn into raspberry jam on the freeway.

I am back to not sleeping again. The medications don’t even make me drowsy.

Just, I could really use some help and advice right now.

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8 thoughts on “My Psychologist Gave Me A Homework Assignment

  1. That’s interesting, cause I’ve been sleeping like a baby up until the past few nights where I haven’t been able to get rest at all. Perhaps it’s, as my father puts it, the “vibe”?

    As for the classes, are there any free groups floating around? Usually, if you search hard enough, you’ll find little meditation groups or similar who meet up at someone’s house once a week and don’t ask for any money, perhaps bringing a snack or something.
    I’ve recently found one in my tiny city – I’m still working up the courage to go!
    Of course, there’s always getting together with other people who sew?

    My advice would be, don’t give yourself a hard time about it. If you’re already struggling with stress, don’t force more on yourself – trust me, I’ve been there.
    Be patient and kind to yourself – the right thing will come along when you’re ready!

    Hope that helps?

    • Good on you for finally getting some sleep!

      I have been an insomniac for most of my life excusing a couple years in high school, but everyone keeps telling me that my medication is supposed to be putting me to sleep as a side effect but I am not getting even drowsy in the slightest. I feel restless and frustrated for most of the night.

      I have been doing a crap ton of research, as you know me to do, but all I can find are outdated scheduled for yoga classes in a spa, the local gym franchise, and YMCA. I keep going back to the YMCA figuring it is a more relaxed and comforting environment unlike the gym rat mentality at Gold’s Gym.

      But work up your courage! Maybe it will help me to grow something and schedule a tour. Haha.

      I live in Central Florida which is retiree central and no one my age sews. Not even cosplay, but that is a whole different world. On the other hand, it is kinda like I am worried that if I did share any projects of mine that I would just be one big failure as most of my dresses are mediocre at best.

      I feel like I am being a total negative Nancy right now. Jeeze. I do not like this at all.

      Just gotta get up the gumption for Friday when I see my therapist and tell her I didn’t do as she asked. But I just can’t force this like work. I know from past experience I am great at my job(s) because of my determination, perfectionist tendencies and compassion. But interacting with people on a social level? Bears me open and takes away my defenses in a way I really can’t handle.

      And simply the fact you took the time to not only read my pity fest but to reply in such a kind way helps wonders. So, thank you. 🙂

      • Perhaps you could sew with the older generation? I don’t know about you but sometimes being with wiser people is more calming – and so much easier.
        They love to chat too and are very welcoming.

        I hate being social too – much more comfortable with one or two friends than a whole room full. That’s just who we are as people! Nothing wrong with that!

        Not a problem 🙂

      • Maybe I can get to that at some point. My therapist, well both of them, keep commenting on my lack of support system in their eyes and worry that the isolation is having a constricting effect on my senses.

        Almost all of my friends over the years have always been older. If I took in anyone my age or younger, I almost always take on a maternal, therapeutic role.

        Sounds so emo, but feeling alone in a crowded room? My hand will go up on that one.

  2. I agree, going out alone is still the hardest task for me especially where groups are involved. If you have a local library they often have free events that you can participate in. Don’t push too hard, the goal is to find your limit & challenge it, not blow it away & keep busting down fences. What about just going to a library and sitting for a while watching, until you’re comfortable enough to participate? You know your stress level, work with it not against it. Hugs & SUPPORT.

    • Thanks. Makes you feel really vulnerable and I have never handled it well. As I stated above, I live in an area that is mostly filled with the older generation in a small Southern town and I am slightly paranoid of being judged.

      Thank you for the hugs and support. I fully return them! 🙂

  3. Hi,

    I think the trick would be to find something that you personally see as useful or beneficial in some other way for yourself. Maybe a way of furthering a hobby or skill you have. I say this because whilst this task is framed as therapy homework it will just feel like a burden for you. Remember that the pressure is something we manufacture for ourselves – If you’re attending a group that is full of strangers you don’t have to give them your real name, you don’t owe anyone anything and you don’t have to be there ‘as an ill person’. It could be a way of just being around people without judgement or stress.

    I’m with the other poster who suggests getting into a group with old people. It’s a start. Also – I wouldn’t be too ashamed to e-mail the organisers of groups that you’re interested in and tell them that you currently don’t have enough money to attend but that you’d really like to. Tell them about your therapy etc if you feel comfortable. There are plenty of people out there who are fortunate enough to have the money for these things, you’ll find some people will be willing to privately agree to you attending without paying just to do the good deed of helping someone. I can understand if you would feel self-conscious about asking for this kind of help, but I would strongly advise against that kind of feeling limiting your options. People out there can afford to help, and they won’t say ‘yes’ unless they’re in a situation where they can afford to.

    All the best,
    H&J

    • I really appreciate you taking the time to read and give such a detailed commentary. 🙂

      In all honesty, I will probably join something eventually but within two days will probably not be the case.

      It will take me a while to do the research I personally need to complete to feel comfortable, and get over the fear that my small town’s critical community. My surrounding area is entirely comprised of small towns and everyone knows the other. I also have an issue with lying to people, even by omission.

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