So I Am Here

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At work. And it is hard. So hard.

I just had an attack shadowing someone during an online check in.
I am terrified. I don’t even have a reason but I am terrified and on the verge of tears.

I chose the right person for help. She came in when I was getting my update training and scolded Stuart for ‘overloading’ me on information. By that time I was actually talking to him about my situation and he was giving me advice. We know each other from speedway so I value his advice. But after that grace window, I was sent put on the desk and I did a good job of hiding it as always but as soon as it was over I practically ran to hide in the dark stock room.

I had my first thought of self harm. I have never ever, ever in my life actually considered harming myself.

At Disney there are button everywhere for every reason. Birthday, anniversary, first visit. Everything. And they are sharp.

I kept telling myself I have to focus, I gotta focus. If I focus I can get through this. And I saw the box with the bags of pins.

Like Aurora and the spindle of a spinning wheel.

But I did not.

As soon as the thought occurred horror took over.

The manager that is helping me sent me on a forty minute break demanding I get some protein in me.

And another person gave me a special k bar.

After that… Who knows?

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

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2 thoughts on “So I Am Here

  1. Thanks, I really appreciate it. I ‘made’ it through the day but I still don’t feel like I can work a day without the panic. And today, the day after, I just feel like I am in a horrible fog.

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