I Can’t Gather The Energy

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I wanted to go on a hike today, but it was just sad and nasty looking outside.
Then I decided, hey! You know, I should probably be cleaning today anyways.

But I just cannot seem to gather the energy to do anything. My mind is speeding and reeling with ideas and wants and, “go, go, go!” but I just feel so very slow.

In the last three hours I have sewn two panels on the knit dress I am working on. Just two.

I cannot seem to even read successfully without getting distracted by nothing at all beyond my own itching mind.

Is this a symptom of bipolar disorder? This happens all the time.

The itch to go somewhere, to do something but the lurking rain cloud of “why bother?” That just weighs down on me.

It doesn’t help that today is a “cotton head” day.

I still have this seed of doubt about my Dok-Tore’s team now that I have caught them lying to me. What am I supposed to do? He also seems to believe the Seroquel is suppose to fix all of my problems. Just keep upping the dose every visit. I have been seeing them for very nearly a month now.

There are days where I feel like yeah! This is it! I can feel like everything is working and hope has arrived!

But then there is always that leech at the back of my mind. Reminding me.

I just don’t know.

I have also been feeling the compulsion to interact on social media as of late. Here, Twitter, Insragram.

Yet with Instagram it is difficult because I never feel as if I have photos to share. I even tried taking a ‘selfie’ last night. But my lack of self-esteem and confidence held me back from putting it out there.

So I will try here.

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My mind is just a mess today.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

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