Let Me Just Say


I had an amazing day today.

I just wish I had the pictures to share.

Today I went to see very good friends of mine that are really family and have been in my life since I was sixteen. Whenever we get together we either meet over lunch at Oliver Garden with some delicious Chicken and Gnocci soup or at their home and spend the day baking and trying out recipes.

Normally I would have so many pictures to share with you. But two things got in the way of this particular itinerary.


I currently carry three devices with me. Two Samsung Galaxy SIII’s simoly because they are the bomb diggity. One is for photography and another is for my music neither with external SD cards. And the third device is this crapdiggity AT&T smartphone. In order to transfer photos from the camera designated phone to this one I first copy them to my laptop and then the phone in a nice little circle.

But alas, I think the laptop married into my crapdiggity phone because it is now crapilicious and craptacular and refusing to turn on. Thus photos cannot be transferred over.


We kinda ate everything before I could take pictures.

My stomach doesn’t care. It was so good.

We made two kind of sandwiches of the same sandwich.

Mine was a croque monsieur. A grilled ham and cheese sandwich with an egg wash similar to French toast using salt and pepper rather than vanilla and sugar.

My friend had a croque provencial. In place of ham there is a slice or two of tomato.

“But, Lara! You hate cheese as if was that annoying person in front who just has to pay for his milk in exact coin change!”

Yes, I do.

But it was so good.

I will make it again and hopefully remember to share pictures

But before the sandwiches of gooey divine righteousness we made scones for his wife to enjoy.

Blueberry and Orange zest scones.

They made my car smell so good on the way home.

So on the gooey option two was the excuse.

But on the scones. I have pictures! I do! They are just being held captive like Rapunzel in her tower.

Want a picture of a picture?


There. Piccy piccy.

On another note, when I got home I was reminded that it was in fact Wednesday and the schedule was out for my job. Of course the first time in four months that I forget to check, I get scheduled a shift.
One shift.

And it is a cash shift.

Cue heart racing, shaking panic-y feelings.

What if the FMLA didn’t go through?

Does that mean the FMLA was declined?

I haven’t worked a cash shift in six months!

What if I went back and everyone found out that I was seeing a psychiatrist?

Did they know I was bipolar?

I’ll make a fool of myself!

Took a breath. Called The Dok-Tore’s office and left a message.

Hi, this is Lara. My phone number is (***) and I am calling because uh, because The Dok-Tore had me send in for FMLA and I got assigned a shift and I don’t know why. And I don’t know what I am supposed to do? I am really sorry if I am not making any sense. Really really sorry. Once again my name is Lara ** and my phone number is (***). Thank you and goodbye”.

Now when I went to see The Dok-Tore and his team for the first time again and again they reiterated for any reason if I needed them to call. They had a line set up for 24/7. Just leave a voice mail if someone does not answer (otherwise they cannot return the call for privacy reasons), and they would call back within half an hour.

They called me back within ten minutes. And it was Lauren so extra score. She calmed me down and double checked to make sure she understood my message.

“Now do you feel you need to be gone for a continuous – don’t schedule you leave of absence, or do you want to be scheduled and if you feel the need to call in, up to a certain number of times, you can do so without feeling penalized?”

Oh jeeze.

You want me to choose?

“See, here is the problem… I need to be able to work. The reason that I came to office was because I started to have anxiety attacks at just the thought of work. I am an adult. With bills and necessities! But I don’t know if I can!”

“It is okay. It sounds to me that you a little bit of time. Let’s give you a month from today and we will revisit the call in scenario then, kay? We will talk about it more tomorrow at your appointment? Just call your managers and make sure it went through, alright?”

She kept softly ending everything with an affirmative question.

But that’s okay. It worked in calming me down.

So that is that for now. Tomorrow I have an appointment at eleven and I have a list of things I want to discuss with them.

    + Is there a psychologist your teams works with or can recommend for me to start seeing?

    + What am I supposed to be noticing as I continue to take Seroquel?

    + What am I supposed to do in order to quell this anxiety about working?

    + Is there anything non-medication wise I can do to help me? Diet, lifestyle?

    + I noticed if I take to long past my usual time of taking the 200 mg of Seroquel, I develop one of my severe migraines. Is there anything to this?

As I continue to think of more, I wrote them down in my journal. Which has less than fifty pages til it is full! I can’t believe it. Just a tad excited about that for whatever reason.

Oh! And I already have half of that knit So be dress done. It is a snap. Front half is just eight panels.

Oh. There is a show called either The Black Box or just Black Box showcases  a main character that supposedly realistically portrays Bipolar Disorder, amd is a neurologist. Next Thursday the 24th at 10 on one  of the big threes. NBC, CBS, or ABC. One of those three.

If I can you know I will be on that.

Hope everyone is well. Ta!

Talk to y’all soon, I’m sure. Hope everyone is doing well today!

EDIT: Black Box will be premiering on ABC at 10/9 Central.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.


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