Cigna Dropped A Bomb


A letter came in the mail from Cigna showing just how much the Dok-Tore has billed us.

Please remember that I have only seen this doctor four times and each visit is less than fifteen minutes.

You ready?

I don’t think you are.


For two visits. This is dated the 9th of April. $900 if split down the middle.

This is just wrong.

Where is the justice in that?

Edit: I have only had to pay a $20 copay at each appointment and that is entirely in thanks to my amazing insurance.

I have decided to go to the appointment on Wednesday just in case they try claiming they haven’t received any of my voice mails and charge me for the visit. Which I thought was only $250 – max.

I  going to sit down, with this letter in hand and tell him that he needs to convince me as to why I should continue to seek care from him and his team.

Because this is ridiculous.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

Called In Sick On Friday


It was a bad day.

The night previous I had reached out to Dr Erlich’s team about the medical leave once again. David as usual answered and essentially placed on hold as he tracked down Lauren and got the stoey from her. But the story was a week and a half old. When I was first trying to trace down the paperwork and make sure it was getting faxed.

We had moved on from that nightmare to this one of regular medical leave as opposed to FMLA. At least I thought so.

After I told him what was really going on, I was plaved on hold again as Lauren was with the Dok-Tore and a patient.

“That’s fine. I appreciate your patience in all of this,” I said.

Well, I was on hold for exactly ten minutes that time. And it isn’t my OCD talking. Apparently their system has an “automated assistant” that kicks in after a caller is on hold for ten minutes.

This is the automated assistant. If you know your party’s extension please dial it now. If you are using a rotary phone, please remain om the line. Someone will be with you shortly.

Again and again, amd again. For another five minutes. Until I was told to leave a voicemail at the tone.

And I did.

“I thought I was on hold waiting to speak with Lauren but apparently not. I would greatly appreciate some attention. (Name and number) thank you and good bye.”

Every visit I am told to call if I need anything and someone would return my call within half an hour as they had a team exaftly for that purpose twenty-four/seven.

I never received a return phone call. Or the next day when I called at ten in the morning. Having exoerienced two panic attacks already before then.

Then two more between that voicemail and the one I left at three in the answer. Between trying to reach my psychiatrist I called my leaders and gave them a bare dressing of what was going on.

It is now four days after the initial voicemail and three days since I was forced to call in sick and receive a point on my record card.

I sought help so I would not continue to be penalized for my illness and so I could work without experiencing panic attacks before, during and after.

In my second voicemail I said I came to them for help and did not feel I was receiving this help.

Thus I called my insurance provider’s mental health line and requested a list of psychitrists within my area that soecialize in my diagnoses. There were about twenty four names on the list, both male and female and I was encouraged once to call them back if I still felt like it wasn’t a good fit.

The offer to file a claim against the office was put on the table but I just want to move on. I still need to decide whether or not I will be canceling the appointment for Wednesday.

If I do go, I hope I will have the strength and courage to stand up for myself and clearly state why I would be moving on.
And since my last appointment, I have been taking two benadryl tabs about an hour after taking the 400 mg of Seroquel and it takes care of the itching muscles/joints and congestion for the most part.

However they don’t even make me tired at all nowadays. Do I have some super resistance or something? That’s an annoying super power.

Anyways the last two days I have had a ton of energy. My mind is reeling and I cannot sit still. I was trying to read and multiole times every chapter I had to get up and pace the house and sometimes the yard. Today, I braided my hair and put on my fedora to cover my messy roots and bangs for my trip to JoAnns. I did try talking my mom into coming with me but she felt tired.

I probably did spend a lot more than I would have if someone was with me as I am more impulsive by myself. $14 was going to be my limit to get ten patterns but, everything was on sale!



I got four yards of this Spring time quilting weight cotton, hemp cord for braiding, buttons, zippers, patterns (of course) and some more pearlized pins. But I still need more interfacing. My roll of medical exam paper 21″ x 75 yards is either going to be here tomorrow or the day after.

Six patterns were chosen for me to start working on next. Peter pan color tops, a skirt, two dress batterns and a button blouse. I am hoping to finally make a full outfit that I can wear out. My two dresses have been so lonely for so long.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

I Have Never Wanted To Sleep So Much


I just received a brand new multi thousand dollar collection notice.

All I want to do is sleep for a very, very long time.

Things are feeling more and more hopeless by the day.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

My Sister Did Some Research


Now she wants me to change doctors entirely.

My sister is nurse by the way. She asked around in the practise she works at and did more research online.

Her first question when she called me this morning was if they were doing blood work and watching my liver.

Uh… No?

They had me spit in a tube though.

That must mean something.

I did take a benadryl tab and it did help with the itching a lot. And I mean, a lot. Along with the congestion that had set in between taking the Seroquel and benadryl.

Does that mean I am allergic?

She wants me to call and demand either a change in medication or change doctors.

She wants both, really.

And I am holding myself back. I have called nearly every day. Well. Called on Tuesday. And had to call after hours yesterday about that medical leave nonsense. Lauren hasn’t called me about it and Health Services has yet to receive anything.

And my shift is tomorrow.

I don’t feel as if they have my best interests at heart.

I think I am going to try the meds through the weekend taking benadryl along side and on Monday call with my decision.

And if I have to call in tomorrow, well, that will just seal things.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

Am I Allergic To The Seroquel?


I met the psychologist today.

And she is closing her practice in July.

It went well. Of course, it always goes back to the parents with them. She really focused on my mother.

She really, uh, has an interesting speaking rhythm. She will say a word or two, use a hand motion to communicate what she just said and then repeat herself and then finish her thought.

It kind of works against my mind as I think rapidly and usually am about four or five thoughts minimum ahead.

Over all the appointment went well and depending on what my provider allows, I may see her twice a week until her practice is closed.

The problems didn’t start until after I left her office. (I need a cool name for this doctor, like the Dok-Tore for my psychiatrist)

I called the Leave Administration team. It took a minute and a half for ‘Mary’ to tell I was denied, had no dream of qualifying for FMLA and hung up.

I have only worked 300~ hours in the last year.

Let’s revisit why that was.

From December 2012 – July 2013 I was waiting on Disney to get their act together and transfer me.

From September to now has been the “slow season” and I have only worked maybe 45 hours and that was when I also actively picking up hours that were not mine.

Dad is almost demanding I take this to HR.

I did my best to calm down after ‘Mary’ hung up on me and drove to the Dok-Tore’s office. I had a solid three hours between then and my appointment so sorry to anyone who was on the Osceola Parkway behind me. Cruise control and I were getting along.

I got to the Dok-Tore’s office with a solid two and a half hours to go. I tried sitting out in the car. Eating sunflower seeds and writing my journal which only had only twenty four pages til it was full and during those two and half hours (two of those sitting outside his office in the hallway) I filled each and every page.

Surprise, surprise during my five minute med check with the Dok-Tore, he decided to up the Seroquel, again. To 400 mg. Finally he had listened to me when I said I was not liking the Trazodone.

It only took two weeks.

When I met with the psychologist, she said I had Bipolar Severe.

No where in the internets could I find ‘Bipolar Severe’.

Is that I or II?

The way she made it sound sound like it was Bipolar I due to my frequent hallucinations. Or seeing in layers as I had always called it.

Seeing the reality of what was there and then what my nightmares showed me that came into daylight.

But the Dok-Tore said it was Bipolar II as Bipolar I is too rare.

Just like he believes my JRA (Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis) is. “That’s odd.”

Also, he had this girl sitting the office during my sit down with him. Once again, this person never introduced themselves.

So that is now two people whom have had some sort of interaction and never introduced themselves. I have one with attitude and a lurker.

Is this like the way things work with psychiatrists? You don’t know the name of these people but they know all your details?

Next time I am demanding to know who they are. I don’t think it is right.

On the issue about the FMLA, Lauren told me to ask “if them if I could go on medical leave” and then tell them if it was yes or no.

Hold on.

You want me to ask my boss if I could go on medical leave?

I am pretty sure that is not how this works. This isn’t like going on vacation.

So after my five minute med check with the psychiatrist, I went down stairs, picked up the new prescription for 400 mg Quetiapine (generic for Seroquel) and started the drive home.

I, of course as usual, called my parents in turn to update them.

The news that the Dok-Tore once again chose to just up the dosage as his cure all sent my mother for a loop.

Immediately, “I am calling Karen!”

I chose to call my sister Nancy, the nurse to get her take on this.

It even worried her a little. She wants me to stick to 300 mg and take a benadryl about am hour later. And if that takes if the joint/calf itching that always happens, it means I could very well be allergic to it.



Of course I would be allergic to the magic cure all pill that is supposed to fix the crazy.

My next appointments are next Wednesday at 9 AM with the Dok-Tore and noon with the psychologist.

When I got home, I told Dad everything and many times he wanted me to go to HR about things I have experienced because of Disney. The seven month leave. The no call no show bull. But I am never very strong about confrontation.

But he is going to find the number for HR tomorrow and wants me to make an appointment when he can go with me.

And that leads us to here. I bought a weekly planner on the drove home at a Barnes and Noble and it helped me feel at least a little better. I always prefer penning down appointments and notes rather than on my phone. I keep forgetting to make my calendar events private and ooh, that bugs me.

It is a pretty lively light blue and starts in March which is perfect for me.

I kinda hope the benadryl helps with the itchy joint feeling after I take my Seroquel in a moment here, but I really don’t want to be allergic to it. Imagine all kinds of problems that is going to cause.

Plus hearing how “odd” it is.

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

I Constantly Feel


This frustration that I cannot do as much as I want to. I have these images in my mind. Colors, shapes, pages and designs.

Constantly, I want to change the theme, format and overall everything interactive in my blog but you cannot successfully do that to the degree you want off a craptitullar mobile device.

This could also be entirely inspired by my favorite new color scheme: mint and rose.


This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.

I Just Keep Coming Up With Blanks Or Are Those Excuses


I feel like simply having some kind of schedule would help with my problems. Something to either look forward to or simply having that structure and support for my day rather than wasting it away all the time.

Things like morning hikes at the reserve five minutes from my house. Or! Even driving all the way out to Disney and spending the day out there. Maybe signing up for a library card which I haven’t had since high school. Maybe drive out to the beach once a week or something. 

Yoga every day from this time to that time.

Disney on this day of the week.

Library three times a week.

Hikes every morning or every other morning.

That kind of thing.

But I don’t want to do this alone.

Especially Disney, or the beach.

I would need all kinds of support for that. Using up all that gas and toll money (for Disney) would feel like a waste if I just any by myself.

Or is that just a lesson I need to be able to learn and stop making excuses?

I spend every day by myself and I get sick of my own company fairly quickly.

Does any one have any suggestions for this?

This post was drafted from mobile device and is more than likely riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Please forgive and forget folks. If it is not too much of a bother, that is.