Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

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Not for me. Well maybe. But not to described in this.

This is about the WordPress mobile app (for Android).

Which has been bane of my existence for months upon months. But seeing as how any and all of my internet activity is via my mobile device, it is just two hairs better than attempting to navigate the site via browser (I use Chrome, by the way).

For a long time, I couldn’t even log in. Or post. Or it would delete my drafts. And open blogs in a browser window.

To follow a new blog I had discovered, I had to go to the WordPress website log in there and manually type in the address of said blog to save it.

That was if the page would load.

But yesterday an update came out for the WordPress app with a lotta changes.

Slightly different appearance. UI tweaks. And all my problems above.

There were some issues I haven’t had to chance to see if those have been looked to yet. But when the time comes you can be sure I will say something if they are not. Most likely are though, I am sure.

But TL;DR:
I am so happy with the WordPress app update! So far, I love it!

On other notes from other things – just positive thoughts, and more positive thoughts.

Detachment

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I have been very depressed the last few days. Very much so last night and tonight.

Normally on night like these as my thoughts plunge deeper into the darkness, I feel physical pain. Frost rushing just below in my wrists. And stab of cold in the center of my palms and chest.

I feel lonely.

I feel forgotten.

I feel lost.

I keep getting reminders just how far behind I am. And as I lay in my room day after day, night after night I have started to come to terms with many things.

Back in high school I felt like this, sad and dripping, but I still held hopes for being some sort of success.

I guess part of growing up is realizing someone has to play the parts of that NPC.

Not all of us can be lawyers, or doctors, or have a career we are passionate about. Moving out at eighteen into that college dorm at a respected university. Or even maybe taking a year off or starting an adventure.
Kids that were just starting at my county bumpkin high school have graduated and many are already coming to the end of their freshman year.

And here I am. At home. Everyday. Talking to no one besides my dogs, my cats, and Sassy if my phone works. I have worked four shifts since October and even if I was scheduled anything. I am terrified to go to work. It has been so long and so much has changed.

Time ago, I used to wonder what did have I done wrong? What could I do?

Lately, I have just settled into what I believe to be my reality. For all my book shelves lined with fantasies and my dreams, that is where they stay and end. They are just my books. Not my future.

Ever since before Mike really left, I was preparing myself. To go back to who I was.

It truly is better this way.
Last night I realized the cold wasn’t there. The tears are, but the frost doesn’t bite.

Does this mean I am finally growing up?

Sass. Don’t be mad. I was fine when I was talking to you really. Sad. But okay and fine.

I know I am not alone in having trepidations about sharing these kinds of things.

Just how little one feels. Always scratching the days in the back of your mind.

As of late, I have really felt supremely insecure. Kind of buds along with the failure tack. Feeling so tiny. Insignificant and invisible.

My mom likes watching romantic comedies and picks them up frequently at garage sales. She picked up Made of Honor a while back and well, I stayed away from it cause they never have been my thing.

I either feel so very embarrassed or just reminded of how empty things are.

And as I would watch these – I can’t help but still believe that there aren’t men that feel as they are portrayed in these films. Sap eyed and desperate just like any girl in love. Like I was.

And yet on the other hand (I am positively built with legos of contradictions) I know there are. Because that is human nature. Just as it is to be a skeptic and a cynic.

I am so very young to feel this way, but after my years, I feel so very old. So very, very old. Apparently according to my last visit to the doctors, and this was… Well a year ago, my JRA is progressing faster than anticipated when I was diagnosed at ten. I was told then that I would probably be confined to a wheelchair by the time I was forty. The update… I won’t even get that much time.

I am already hiding on my bed day in and day out. Guess that won’t be much of a hassle.

Goodness.

Don’t you feel pathetic for ever sharing such a big whomping pity party like this one? I don’t like talking about these thoughts because I have always felt that it is just a grab for attention. Like pretending you were drowning at the pool as a kid or something.

Bear Necessities

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I thought I was being witty with title and all I got was the song stuck in my head.

But I write this missive to ease another itch. The itch for things I don’t need.

In reality, I have everything I need. I always have. Food. A home. And family.
But rarely do I get to be on the receiving end of luxuries. My wish list on Amazon and in my journal can go for miles.

Just little day dreams. Which we all know I am pretty full of.

They tend to be day dreams of an apartment, new car, solid steps to a stable career.

But of course as the same with any other human being who has not seen enlightenment – I dream of material things as well.

Like…. New copies of Series 1 and 2 of the doctor. Ninth and Tenth regenerations, thank you very much.

Supernatural – I only got to see partly into the second season.

Books, and books and more books!

And for my girly wish… Philosophy’s Love Sweet Love fragrance. I’m very picky about perfumes. Rarely do I indulge. But this… Oh, I love the way it smells. Like fresh picked from the garden or walking trail and I just want to smell it again and again.

But these things, I do not need them. And right now I can not even afford to want them.

So for right now it is all about those bear necessities.

….and yes, I meant “bear”.

Itchy Notions

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That itch that is in the back of your mind and between your shoulder blades.

Even after all these years I have no idea how to scratch it. Or to put a band aid on and ignore it.

I never was good at that.

This particular attack has been building up for about a week and a half.

Take me back in time six years ago and I could make myself sleep for nearly days at a time til I would wake and the feeling would be gone.

Reluctantly, that is no longer the case.

Today is going to be fun.

I Am Fighting My Urges

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My sleeping scheduled has been knocked all over the place the last couple of weeks and that usually makes me more active.

– I have no idea why. It makes me want to do things, go out and just do… Stuff.

So whenever I get a little bit of spending money I have to battle hard not to go out and spend it. I know I should save it. I know I should. So very much so.

I should be good.

But being good is so hard. And I am not that awesome.

I did go to JoAnns recently but that was with a little thank you present. And I only spent $18. Saved $91 but that’s the beauty of their pattern sales. However..  It was on Butterick. And I have realized I don’t think they are my style. I spent close thirty minutes just trying to pick five. It was a 5/$7 deal, ya dig?

Normally it is hard for me to pick just five but this time it was quite the opposite.

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I walked around after picking up a new invisible ruler since when I came back after my vacation at Pop Century, I found this: image

My poor baby. May you Rest In Peace.

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I also got a new seam ripper and measuring tape since those had disappeared as well. Of course. I blame the pixies.

I felt so… Unsatisfied with my stint at JoAnns. It was quite disappointing. After leaving JoAnns I went out to Target right down the road cause… Target.

I have been spending a lot of time with a friend who wears tights every time we go out. Bright yellow ones too. Haha. Her along with Sass, eventually I wanted to try this hot trend. I only got two pairs but hey – gotta start somewhere. I picked up a pair of chevron knit sweater tights and a pair of lace tights. I am actually kind of excited to wear them out. But… I don’t feel I can yet. While we may have been nice and cold earlier the week (it got to 22 freaking degrees at my house a couple days ago), I do live in Florida and it can never make up its mind. We are expecting the eighties today.

Well. That’s about it. I wrote up this post mostly to help curb my antsy pantsy-ness.

It didn’t work. I’m probably going to go clean some more.

But… On Wednesday I get to see some people that mean the world to me at Olive Garden!

Oh geez… Now I am even more get-out-the-door.

Pesky Purple Dress

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So.

This thing has been a nightmare.

It started off well enough. I was excited for the challenge. I am quite the amateur when it comes to sewing so this pattern provided many news challenges and wonders for me to embark upon. Lining, pockets, and damned princess seams. Using silk brocade that has been sitting in my hope chest of sorts for nearly twelve years. I have more where that came from, I was a bit obsessed in middle school. You can see it in the background of the bodice lining photo.

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I used Simplicity 1687 with bodice view A from their Runway line. Many great possibilities were seen for this pattern but after actually pulling up a garment, there definite fitting issues I need to address. It almost fits true straight off without altering it except of course as with all my dresses the top of the side seams need pinching, the waist a bit but most importantly – the upper bodice. The neckline gapes in the most unseemly way and the shoulder seams want to slide down and off my shoulders entirely to fix the problem.

Normally I would just pinch and dart my way out of these problems but the fact the upper bodice is lined makes it too bulky and it just looks unattractive.

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Raw edges. I know.

There is pleating on every section of the skirt and it actually looks really nice. There were only four panels unlike the six I am generally used to.

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The pockets aren’t inseam using a yoke or the side seam. Actually the pockets are slowly pieced together as you make the lower bodice and pleat the front skirt panels. I quite liked the process. I do plan to add small hidden hooks and eyes as I believe the weight of the fabric is too much and the bands gape.

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I still much much prefer hand picking my zippers. I happened upon the perfect color match amongst my mothers thread supply. You can’t even see the color difference.

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I know I will come to love this dress and any variation there after as soon as I address and fix these fit issues. Of course I would greatly accept any advice that can be given. 🙂

I will post photos wearing the actual dress as soon as I get outside and can wrangle someone to be my photographer.