Things have been pretty rough, as they usually are.
But what my problem is is that I give up or don’t even try at all. I was teased and reprimanded for the slightest failures as a child. Pair that with other mental issues and disabilities – you get a crippling fear of being judged or failing. The only way I have managed to get around this is not really trying. I figured if I didn’t really try they couldn’t judge me. Of course they did. Of course I did. An excuse is an excuse and they are all horrible.
Here are my goals – (I love lists. We have a sordid affair ongoing.)
♥ Talk to an advisor at either Lake Sumter or UCF about starting college. My parents never gave me the help or life skills I needed to understand this mountain of going to college. But I am nearly 22 now. It is my own fault every day that I am not sitting in a classroom.
♥ Open a savings account. Start saving. A little jar only carries so much.
♥ Research teaching abroad. I really want to go to Japan or Korea. If I was to choose a major it would be international/Asian Studies and or education.
♥Find a therapist. A psychiatrist. Something. I can’t give up. I need help. And I need to go to HR about the lack of response from the EAP progran or something.
♥ Sew at least two dresses for Sassy. She deserves them more than anyone I know.
♥ I want to be out and on my own before my 23 birthday. In college. With a job. And a life plan.
♥ Know at least conversational Korean and be fluent in Japanese.
I could list for hours. But I think I am going to stop there tonight.
What are your goals? Short term or long term?
P.s. I noticed with a couple previous posts that there are certain comments that are of the ctrl+c&crtl+v variety plugging your own blogs about handling depression and anxiety. I recognized these comments from other blogs of my friends that were posted word for word as well. I did appreciate it and it really kinda hurt. My pain is not your stage. Neither are the posts of my friends. Please respect that. I am just going to leave it there and step off the soap box.
Posted from my Samsung Galaxy SIII. Please excuse any spelling errors that occur.