How you doin’?


Things have been pretty rough, as they usually are.

But what my problem is is that I give up or don’t even try at all. I was teased and reprimanded for the slightest failures as a child. Pair that with other mental issues and disabilities – you get a crippling fear of being judged or failing. The only way I have managed to get around this is not really trying. I figured if I didn’t really try they couldn’t judge me. Of course they did. Of course I did. An excuse is an excuse and they are all horrible.

Here are my goals – (I love lists. We have a sordid affair ongoing.)

♥ Talk to an advisor at either Lake Sumter or UCF about starting college. My parents never gave me the help or life skills I needed to understand this mountain of going to college. But I am nearly 22 now. It is my own fault every day that I am not sitting in a classroom.
♥ Open a savings account. Start saving. A little jar only carries so much.

♥ Research teaching abroad. I really want to go to Japan or Korea. If I was to choose a major it would be international/Asian Studies and or education.

♥Find a therapist. A psychiatrist. Something. I can’t give up. I need help. And I need to go to HR about the lack of response from the EAP progran or something.

♥ Sew at least two dresses for Sassy. She deserves them more than anyone I know.

♥ I want to be out and on my own before my 23 birthday. In college. With a job. And a life plan.

♥ Know at least conversational Korean and be fluent in Japanese.

I could list for hours. But I think I am going to stop there tonight.

What are your goals? Short term or long term?

P.s. I noticed with a couple previous posts that there are certain comments that are of the ctrl+c&crtl+v variety plugging your own blogs about handling depression and anxiety. I recognized these comments from other blogs of my friends that were posted word for word as well. I did appreciate it and it really kinda hurt. My pain is not your stage. Neither are the posts of my friends. Please respect that. I am just going to leave it there and step off the soap box.

Posted from my Samsung Galaxy SIII. Please excuse any spelling errors that occur.


7 thoughts on “How you doin’?

    • Thanks. 🙂 Lists have always been the only way I have been able to sort out the thoughts on my head. It is a favorite past time.
      I also have a thing for notebooks. I always want to buy notebooks and pens. Haha. Do you think there are Anonymous meetings somewhere for people like us? Lol.

  1. I hope you reach your goals. You should always do (try) things because in reality that really can’t judge you because at let you did. Beside f them anyways, you gotta do what makes you happy.
    I have many goals, one of them happens to be same as yours. I want to learn Korean. I am a Kpop fan and would like to sing it correctly and understand it. I learn Japanese a long time ago but it did not stick.

    • Same here with the Japanese! My brother lived in Japan for five years and I learned it while he was there but all the bullying of having an “Asian fetish”, I stopped. Seven years later… it is pretty sad.

      Kpop?! Girl. Kpop?! 2NE1 and T.O.P.!
      What’s your group/idol?
      Queen for me is BoA.

      I fell in love with Kpop cause Jpop sounded way to lolita half the time and nothing like the anime intros. Haha. After discovering the masters that are Simon and Martina from, I fell in love with South Korea.

      • Oh I know a little about BOA, but got her confused with another boa that did the opening for serial experimental lain.
        My current favorites are Infinite and F(x)

      • BoA… BoA was the introduction to kpop for a lot of people I know. She did the end credits for Inuyasha season three (in Japanese). If I was to explain in any way, the best I could probably manage is that she is the total and perfect opposite of Hyuna from 4minute. Haha.

        I was really into F(x) when they first debuted. I’m not too much of a fan of their latest track. Luna is my favorite from that group. Amber is just plain awesome.

      • Yeah I had mixed the british BOA with the Korean BoA and that’s how I found her. I love their new album Pink Tape. Its pretty much what I am listening to right now. My favorite is between Goodbye Summer which Amber (fav, then Luna) wrote or help wrote. Then Airplane. Yes Amber is awesome.
        They are the group that introduced me to kpop, random find on YouTube.

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