I am here for another day. Another day, another battle won. I have these times which I refer to as being “stuck inside my head.” Locked away in my mind with these thoughts. Thoughts that have the firearms, while I brought a sling shot.
Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight? Yeah, that’s about right.
Most certainly, I have calmed down from the pain of yesterday. Today, I realized something. Mike is running away. He has tried this before so many times, but I never recognized it until today. And every time eventually we would talk and he would come down from his hiding spot.
He is supposed to call me before he goes to work in about three hours, so we shall see if that is indeed the case this time. I am not getting my hopes up. I have resolved myself to what happened yesterday may be final. And if it is, I will be okay.
There will be pain, I will cry, and I will be scared. But that is life, and I am stronger than that. I have been through so much, to let this be what takes me down.
Neither could I let myself abandoned him when he is so obviously scared of something. Beyond a boyfriend, he has always been my best friend. If I can help him figure out what is wrong, I will. Whether we are together or not.
Moving on. Metaphorically and literally. I pampered myself today. I didn’t get to eat anything “sinful” as Kerrie from Pretty Lady Baby (I finally figured out how to make HTML work on this silly thing!!) suggested. But you did make me feel loads better, thank you. Now I crave Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream with that graham cracker swirl. Walmart is 45 minutes away! Darn.
Back to what I was talking about! ( Bad A.D.D. Behave!) I took a nice long and hot shower. Reorganized my craft space, my make up and changed out my bed set. Whenever I am depressed I feel changing what I sleep in changes the aura in my room. Kinda like knocking the dust from a dirty rug. It just dispels all the depressive and negative energy, allowing me start fresh and turn my head in the right direction.
I still haven’t been to sleep, but I definitely feel a lot better and I won’t be able to sleep anyways until I can talk to him and figure out what is going on. That is just the way my head works.
I would like to take this moment to say thank you to all the kind people who read, liked and followed my blog following the posting of my previous post Of Failed Relationships and Pork Chops. Those actions, though small helped to comfort me when I was down and in pain. I was reliving all those memories of being bullied and realizing that bullying had followed me to my job mounted on top of the pain of the break up. I keep wanting to avoid referring to it as a break up. He never actually said those words. Of course half the time he couldn’t admit to a relationship to break up in! Denial? From both of us I think.
So, thank you, to all of you.
I think I can probably say you guys may be one of the reasons I am still hear to say thank you today. For that, I am forever grateful.
I will be spending extra cuddling and loving my cats tonight. Well, just Kit. Ganache isn’t very touchy feely.
I have also learned, that for posting it is best to go to Admin and dashboard and post from there. That is why I couldn’t figure out how to make captions for my pictures or to link properly! No matter what kind of coding I played with it wouldn’t work. Well, I figured out how to make it work now!
This is where I bring my words to a close. I probably won’t be posting crafts for a while until I can straighten myself out a bit more. I will craft, but not until I feel that these crafts were not born of sadness or negative energy. I do want to try making this pretty cool thermos grip I saw along with a few other things.
Ta ta for now!